Dear Saint,

The Lord has laid it heavily on my heart to periodically send out a journal entry of what God is doing in my life. Whether it be a message He has given me, a struggle I am going through or a story from the mission field, I believe my journal will encourage and exhort the body of Christ to glorify God and live more fully for Him.

My desire is to be as honest and forthright as possible about the situations I describe in my journal as well as being very direct in what I believe the word of God says about each topic. Each entry, I trust will help believers relate to my trials and victories in Christ. Honestly, I think that it will take the amazing grace of God to accomplish what I believe He wants to do through these journal entries. Please pray with me that God brings fruitfulness to my labor and will move through me in such a way that He receives all the honor and glory in this endeavor.

With that said, let me begin with my first journal entry:

Many have been praying for my newborn son, Jeremiah, since he became very ill on July 11th. I would like to take this time to share what happened and the lessons God taught me through this trial.

July 11th - Our 6 week old son, Jeremiah, had slept most of the day, and was not acting normal and healthy. That night my wife, Carlene, took his temperature and found that he had a temperature of 100.8 which is significant for a newborn baby. She called the doctor and he said to take him immediately to the E.R. at Children’s Hospital in San Diego, to get him checked out. We thought that it would be a couple of hours at the hospital and then back home to recover from whatever illness he had. However, when my wife arrived, Jeremiah was immediately checked into the hospital because he was not responding as he should. Then the doctors told my wife that our son would be in the hospital for a minimum of two days.

The hospital then proceeded to take all kinds of blood tests and even a spinal tap trying to figure out what was wrong with Jeremiah. At the time these initial tests were taken, his infection fighting white blood cell count (neutrophils) was around 1200/ul (the normal count is 1100 – 5500/ul). This was not of great concern at the time though, because they often go down when fighting an infection.

July 12th - They continued to take more blood from Jeremiah and sent many samples to the lab for tests. At that time his white blood cell count continued to go down and caused a little more concern, but still the doctors felt that it was normal. The labs came back pretty much negative on everything, except they thought Jeremiah might have a urinary tract infection which they said was common for children under the age of three months. However, they did not believe that this was the cause for the decline in his white blood cells.

July 13th – After two days of being in the hospital the doctors still had no idea what was wrong with Jeremiah. Therefore, the doctors prescribed every antibiotic they could think of to cover as many infections and viruses as they could. We could tell by the way the doctors spoke and by the looks on their faces that there was greater concern for Jeremiah but still they were hopeful that this problem would soon pass. I began to seriously pray for Jeremiah, but had not shared the situation or the issues that we were facing with very many people. The main reason for this, honestly, is that I know so few people that really pray with faith and belief in God to heal the sick. As I was praying, the Lord told me to ask George Runyan from San Diego City Church Ministries and Eddy Brown from the Justice House of Prayer (JHOP) to come and pray for Jeremiah. George and Eddy, with about six other people from JHOP came to the hospital. When George and Eddy came into the room, Eddy sensed that there was a spirit of fear and torment on Jeremiah but as they prayed and George laid hands on him, it was broken off of him. When Eddy mentioned the spirit of fear, I knew that it came from me because I had been struggling with a spirit of fear for about two months and hadn’t seemed to be able to overcome it. I realize now, that as the father and leader of my home, if I have a chink in my armory, the enemy uses it as an opportunity to oppress me and my family.

We also had another young man from the JHOP, who has an anointing on his life for healing the sick, come in and pray for Jeremiah. After George, Eddy and the team from JHOP left I felt very encouraged and believed God was going to completely heal Jeremiah. Note: I also thought, when God moves (as he did through the prayer of George, Eddy and the team from JHOP), oftentimes the enemy tries to retaliate so we must be alert and not become discouraged if this happens.

July 14th - I fully expected a good day for Jeremiah after our time of prayer we had the day before. However, the lab report came back that Jeremiah’s white blood cell count was even worse, reading at a dangerously low 150/ul. At this time, Dr. Hershey (the attending doctor), came in to our room and shared with Carlene and I that if his white blood cell count didn’t come up they would have to put Jeremiah into the ICU. As he was sharing this bad news with us, his eyes became red and started tearing up. Then Carlene and I knew at this point that we could potentially lose our son to this sickness. Things started to get very emotional after the doctor left. Carlene and I both wept exceedingly and I immediately started to pray and cry out to God. I realized how much I loved my son when I thought that he could be lost. I chose then to contend for my son’s life in prayer and come against the virus, the demonic and any other thing that was against him. We prayed with an agony of heart for a couple of hours and the Lord gave me a holy boldness to seek Him alone, regardless of what the hospital staff thought. I thought to myself, why would I care what the doctors and nurses (who don’t know the Lord and are in complete spiritual darkness) thought of my praying and contending for my son? We were at battle and the stakes were too high to worry about what others thought of me. If I be made to look like a mad man then let it be for Christ’s sake.

Right after our time of prayer, Jeremiah woke up and Carlene and I started taking pictures of him with our cell phones and enjoying every moment. He even smiled and was happy though his body was fighting for its life. I wish I could tell you that I was full of faith (for God deserves this), but there was also doubt and fear that I fought constantly. In this state of mind, I confessed my doubt and unbelief. Then I asked the Lord to help me, and with the small amount of faith I had, I expected a turnaround because even though I was so weak, the Lord, gave me grace to trust that He would move. A few hours after getting the discouraging news, they took another blood test to see how Jeremiah was doing. When we got the results, it was clear that God showed up! Jeremiah’s test came back showing that his white blood cell count had gone from 150/ul to 240/ul in a matter of 12 hours. I fully believe the change toward the positive happened when we cried out to God and contended for our son: God heard and answered our pleas for mercy! Once again the tears ran down our faces but this time because of the overwhelming joy and relief we felt. At the end of the day things were starting to look up.

July 15th - Once again in the early morning they took yet another blood sample. It was getting harder to draw blood because they were running out of his small veins. (It was difficult at times to watch them poke our son up to four times before they were able to get a sufficient amount of blood.) It then took a few hours to get the results of the tests and when they came in we discovered that Jeremiah had not improved to the doctor’s expectations. His white blood cell count was 255/ul which was only up by a few points from the day before. The doctor then indicated that we were not out of the deep waters yet. At that point Carlene and I contended for our son again. We prayed, cried and asked for mercy as well as took authority over any demonic attacks and viruses that were plaguing our son. I also prayed that the Lord would teach us all the lessons He wanted Carlene and I to learn through this trial. After that they took another blood test and the results of the movement of God were awesome. His white blood cell count went from 255/ul to 954/ul in a matter of hours. Glory to God in the highest!

July 17th - Jeremiah’s white blood cell count was back to normal, reading 2242/ul. However, the night before, there was a complication with his I.V. and they were unable to put a new one in. The doctors, still not knowing what the problem was, were concerned that if the I.V. antibiotics had anything to do with his recovery they would need to take measures to put in another I.V. I knew at this point that the doctors had nothing to do with Jeremiah’s recovery, so I was apprehensive about their suggestion to put in what they called a PICC line (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) which is basically a more evasive I.V. that has a small plastic tube that runs up the vein almost into the heart. I didn’t feel that the Lord was saying, “Don’t do it” but I felt more like God was saying, “The test is not over yet.” With that in mind, we allowed them to put in the PICC line (which was a two hour procedure) and I prayed and continued my fasting, trusting in the Lord for all things. The first attempt at putting the PICC line in failed, so they had to take Jeremiah next door to Sharp Memorial Hospital where they had more advanced equipment that aided them in the placement of the PICC line. Through all of this, we were pushed even more to trust the Lord and hope in Him alone.

July 18th - Jeremiah was able to come home and we administered the final doses of antibiotics from the house. Once again, not being a nurse and totally understanding how to care for the PICC line and the sterilization of it, caused Carlene and I both to fear again. I had to see the weakness of our humanity again and trust the Lord to keep Jeremiah safe from infection. My thoughts were, “We are such weak people and have such little faith.” Sometimes it is easier to trust God to work in others, like the doctors and nurses, than in ourselves.

July 24th - Jeremiah’s PICC line was removed and he is totally finished with all medicines. He is completely well. To God be all the glory and honor. He is our only hope. Blessed be the name of the Lord. “He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.” (Ps 62:2) My wife Carlene wrote this at the end of her journal entry about this experience, “We are so thankful for the miraculous full recovery of our infant son. There is no doubt whatsoever that God healed him and had we not gone to the Lord, I believe he would not be here with us today.”

Though I pick my prayer warriors carefully and suggest you do the same, I want to take this moment to thank everyone who cried out to God for our son during this intense trial. I know many prayers for Jeremiah were lifted up to the throne of grace and God, in His manifold grace and mercy, heard and answered. Thank you, child of God for your diligent pursuit of God and His mercy for our son and family.

Summary of the Things I learned

• We must contend in prayer and realize the authority that Christ has given to us as Christians. In addition, I have a strong conviction that we should want God more than anything else, so I confessed that I truly wanted God the Healer, more than I wanted His benefits. We gave our son to God and trusted God for His best and asked God to be glorified through this trial no matter the cost, even if it meant losing our son. This was one of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed but I believe that it truly honored our Lord. Job said, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” (Job 13:15) & James says, “Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord--that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful.” (James 5:11)

• Though we respect the doctors and their education regarding the human body, we learned and chose to trust in the Lord alone. This is not easy when everything around you is saying, “Your son is going to die.” So, I meditated on scripture like Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding” and Palms 62:5-8 “My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” One of my thoughts regarding this was that, according to scripture, it is impossible to please God without faith. If the doctors and nurses at the hospital didn’t believe in God then, 1) they were not pleasing God; and 2) they were only focused on a small part of reality - the physical realm. The Bible says that the earth will burn up and all that we see will be lost. So, what is truly important is the part we cannot see. Hebrews 11:3 says, “By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.” If this is the case then my prayers to the Creator of the universe (who is unseen) far outweigh the diagnosis of a doctor. WOW! This means it is true for every praying Christian who believes and cries out to God. This thought leads me to the next thing I learned.

• When the doctor came in and told us that our son was not doing well and ICU might come in and take him, all the rules of engagement went out the window for me. Most times I want to be courteous to non-believers and not impose or cause them to feel too uncomfortable about my faith (which I am not saying is the right thing to do in many cases) but in this case the stakes (my son’s life) were too high to care what others thought about my praying and crying out to God. I felt like I was in a spiritual war and I had to take some violent measures in the spirit to succeed. I realized that as a Christian and a son of God, I am not of this world, so I then asked myself why I even cared what a person who is in total darkness and separated from God cared about me doing anything. They are totally and utterly lost and are not capable of seeing value in anything a child of God does. How foolish it is for us as Christians to even consider the lost when it comes to things that only people who are born again can understand and appreciate. I believe we must stop being afraid of those who are lost in darkness and start doing those things which we know our heavenly Father would be pleased with.

• I preached a message in India about the healing of God. Over and over again the Lord pointed out that He chooses to heal through faith and belief. I believe faith is like the wiring in which the power of God flows through to complete His work. If the wiring is weak or broken God will not do many things in our life so I endeavored to keep my faith as high as I could during this whole trial. I fasted, I read scriptures, and meditated on specific passages where Jesus healed the sick. I thought of the woman who said, "If only I may touch His garment, I shall be made well." (Matt 9:21); Isaiah 53:3 says, “And by His stripes we are healed.” In Matthew it says, “And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, ‘Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.’ Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’ Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.” (Matt 8:2-3); “But only speak a word, and my servant will be healed.” (Matt 8:8) Luke 8:50 says, “But when Jesus heard it, He answered him, saying, ‘Do not be afraid; only believe, and she will be made well.’” This also helped me to fight fear which is the enemy of our faith. We will believe in one or the other, and do not think for one moment that fear is unreasonable or illogical. Most of the time fear makes the most sense in the natural world when the awesomeness of God is not considered. I heard once that 80% of what we fear never comes to pass. With those odds, it should always make sense to have faith, but it doesn’t usually work that way because we can’t logically convince ourselves of the unseen (which is faith). It is a spiritual matter to have faith in God and thus an inward, unseen battle. But take heart dear saint, for His Word says that the minutest mustard seed of faith can move mountains.

• “Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” (Eph 6:11-13) If this passage is true, then our battle is not with the physical manifestation of sickness or people, but with unseen fallen hosts that desire to destroy the work of God and human beings who were created in the image of God. I may be shaking your theology a little bit, but that is good at times so that you may remain grounded in the word of God and not in the traditions of man. Let me just say this, and you can weigh and compare it to the scriptures and see if this is true. As the father and leader of my family, I carry the authority of Christ and thus set the spiritual stability and emotional state of our home. If then, I am weak or sinful in an area, it is passed to my wife and children. “…For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.” (Ex 20:5-6) Read what the original Webster’s 1828 dictionary said about sin and the enemy using it to his advantage: “Where one sin has entered, legions will force their way through the same breach.” So as the leader and father of the home I must pursue godliness, not just for myself, but to shield my household from the enemy of God. “…above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.” (Eph 6:16) Men, this is a battle cry to protect your family from the enemy by walking in the Spirit and purity of God. I personally believe I failed in this by letting the spirit of fear enter my house and take advantage of me and my family. “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim 1:7) The spirit of fear is an evil spirit that torments the believer if given access to them through sin. We must fight this spirit by realizing the immense love that God has for us and allow ourselves to constantly be soaked in God’s love. “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18) Receive the love of your Father through Jesus Christ our Lord who loved us so much that He gave Himself that you and I might have life in Him!

In Conclusion: When you go through an experience like this (of almost losing your son), it truly helps you to see what is most important in your life. All of the problems with ministry and relational issues with people just seemed to fade away when my son’s life hung in the balance. In a moment the Lord showed me the importance of family and God like no sermon or scriptural study could have done in a hundred years. God has caused me to value my family as never before and has given me a passion and drive to know Him more. I believe that knowing God has a lot to do with your willingness to give yourself to the Word and to personal holiness. I remember, when I was studying for a message about revival, I ran across a prayer from Evan Roberts who lead the Welsh revival of 1904. His prayer was, “Lord make me as holy as a saved sinner can be!” So often, I find myself trying to ride the line between the Spirit and carnality, and questioning myself as to whether or not I should do a certain activity. Now, however, the Lord has strengthened my spirit to pray, “Make me as holy as a saved sinner can be.” and thus I am running into the holiness of the Spirit as fast and hard as I can, instead of riding the line between holiness and carnality. I do this not out of legalism that leads to the same death as carnality, but out of great love and gratitude for God and out of grace from God. I so want to know Him, who saved and rescued me from hell and who, through compassion and mercy, saved my son from death. In this same line of thinking, I truly want to do everything the Word of God says, period, and stop paying attention to what others chose to compromise. For me, it is time to take the Word of God at face value. Friend, if God’s Word is true, it changes everything and also alienates us from the vain things of this world. Let us truly give ourselves wholly to God’s Word and Spirit because we are the reward of His suffering!